It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to.
I often do.
Cry on my birthday that is.
It’s silly.
But it’s true.
So this year I thought that I would try to avoid the disappointment and loneliness that I often feel when no one is available to do anything because it’s such a crazy busy time of year, or people or sick, or I actually just smell really bad and no one is bold enough to tell me…
(I’m not sure it’s actually the best plan to just avoid it…but it’s the plan that I went with…)
I normally am the one that plans my own thing, and that usually feels a little silly once you hit your 30’s… (am I the only one who plans their own birthday thing? Or is that a Misconception that I have? I am learning that sometimes what it seems like isn’t really the way it is, so maybe I ask??)
So anyway my dad and Alex had a commitment on the night of my birthday (tonight) so I planned to have a nice afternoon to myself. Go out for lunch with a good book then head to the spa, come home for a Keto meal at home and do dinner with my family tomorrow night.
Last night Finn got all kinds of sick, 16 times that I counted, and probably about 3 hours of sleep when it was all said and done. So my plan to start the day off with a quiet moment, a run and a shower went out the window with that sleep. Instead the morning consisted of doing laundry and re-doing laundry (high efficiency and hecka vomit apparently don’t mix that well) and bathing a boy, and bathing him some more. More laundry, a quick shower… no hair or makeup because really what’s the point if you’re getting a facial…
Alex was running late, and things got mixed up, and when it came time I rushed out the door in my flip flops and fell. Hard. I don’t know how my left leg went behind me and scraped it’s way down the stairs, but it did. And I screamed. LOUD. And no one came. I would think that my fall would have shaken the house enough to make someone come running. I mean Keto is working well, but I’m not exactly a feather or anything!
So I crawled my way up the front stairs (yes, I see now where my daughter gets her dramatic flair… see below for her video letting us know she was sick when we were out the other night) and opened the door and just stood there and cried.
Alex had been vacuuming the kitchen with the shop vac, so he didn’t hear me.
And I just stood there stunned waiting for him to notice me standing there…. probably 10 seconds that felt like forever…but when he did look at me I broke down and reverted to a 4 year old. “I fell down the staiiiirrrrsssssssssss”
Oh the drama.
Hormones, birthday expectations, lack of sleep, and the tears came flowing down.
Alex called to cancel the spa, because it looked like an X-ray may not be a bad idea, and because I would have slapped someone for touching my foot (so no pedicure!!)
So yah… my plans fell apart, and so did I.
But I ended up being right where I needed to be, finding rest and snuggling my sick boy.
My natural thought process told me that I’ll have to lower my expectations so I’m not disappointed next year.
Nope.
I’m going to make bigger plans, be better at asking for what I want, not getting stuck in my head, or making other peoples busy lives say anything about who I am. Because aim for the moon and land among the stars and all that jazz…
Oh and not fall down the stairs.
Today we’re hobbling off to the nutcracker and having a family dinner at my parents house. This weekend I’m heading to New York with my sweet friend. So even if my Birthday DAY was a bust, my actual life is amazing, and blessed, and I will enjoy it.
Bring on 34!
and note: I ended up with the flu on the next day so my birthday dinner had to be postponed, then Alex had it the next day. We had to keep going slow…and that’s ok!
Now im in NYC and I can’t get the video to load so I’ll have to share when I get home!